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Mummy can’t afford it

Walking through our local supermarket today my two year old gave the classic “I want that one mummy”about every item we walked past, he never throws too much of a tantrum (there’s still time I know) if he doesn’t get something, probably because he knows he has more than enough toys at home.

When an answer of “No”simply isn’t enough and he pushes by actually picking the item up (today’s choice was a Princess Peppa Pig) I reply with what I think is a pretty reasonable excuse for not getting him it “Mummy can’t afford it” this may not be every parent’s choice of phrase, but today I got a very obvious glare of disapproval by a passer-by and a passing comment of “Did you hear that? Why would you say that to your child”.

Well I didn’t respond to this stranger in person, 1: Because it really didn’t bother me too much, but just made me curious of people’s perception of right and wrong. 2: I have 3 kids under 3, I don’t have the time or entertainment to keep them still while discussing my reasons and 3: I have an irrational fear of stranger danger, even as an adult.

I mean what else am I meant to teach him? That I just don’t want to get him it? That’s not true, but I don’t feel guilty, he certainly doesn’t need this toy, I haven’t just refused him a quenching bottle of water when he’s thirsty. I’m not ashamed that I don’t have the spare money to spend £10 on a Peppa Pig figurine on a daily basis but it doesn’t mean he goes without.

I feel teaching him that all these luxuries cost money and sometimes you can’t have them is vital to him recognising the value of money, as he gets older he can earn money of his own if he wants extra toys that he has his heart set on.

So it doesn’t bother me that people look at me like a cheap-skate when I tell my kids I can’t afford to buy them something they obviously need, fair enough if I pull up in a Range Rover rocking the latest Michael Kors yet I can’t afford to buy a loaf of bread I’d expect some judgemental frowns, but I’m raising miniature people here, people I want to have respect for money as they grow up.

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The 7 types of people you need to avoid when you become a mum.

Becoming a mum is one of the most exciting times in your life, but there are always those people who know how to tick you off and rub you up the wrong way, it sounds easier said than done but ignoring and rising above these people will save you a lot of stress and anger, here are the 7 types of people you will meet that will leave you considering whether serving a life sentence is worse than ever seeing their face again (okay maybe not that harsh, but if you’re hormonal this is pretty accurate).

1. The non-mother

This person has never had children before, but she watched desperate housewives and now thinks knows exactly what to avoid in order to be the perfect mother. You have to realise even if you’ve been through pregnancy, birth, newborn stage, toddlers and even if you’ve raised those wild animals we call teenagers, this lady has observed from a distance and sees how insanely frustrating children can be at times, how sometimes you are going to give in just to stop the throbbing vein on your forehead from bursting, you may do everything by the book but it doesn’t matter how “Picture Perfect” your child is going to throw a wobbler, this non-mother will look down at you, tut and maybe even dare to roll her eyes, but when you walk past her in a few years to come when your little one is their school’s problem for a few hours a day and she’s suffering from what we call “Newborn Insomnia” you get to go over and actually give experienced advice and watch her eat her words 🙂

2. The best mum in the world

There’s always that mum that’s kids go to 500 extra curricular activities a week, their hair is perfectly placed and there clothes haven’t got a whiff of baby sick on them, not only will she glow in front of you as if not from this planet, then she goes and speaks to you! With her patronising tone she will pass on advice and you aren’t even listening, all you can think is my hair is so frizzy it may be mistaken for a wild animal, the buggy has been (obviously) fixed with duct tape, I have sick on my shoulder and oh no please tell me I’m wearing matching shoes!! Her day will come, there is no mother in the world that just holds it together all the time, you can’t see behind the scenes and whether she has 15 slaves working tirelessly to clean her house and her children or she gets up at 3am to start plastering on her make-up, the fact is her efforts to look so amazing and be awed by others is time that is taken away from her children, you strive to be so “Perfect” but you sacrifice that for your children, that alone makes you….the best mum!

3. The adopted relative

So this person isn’t actually adopted or a relative, but they suddenly feel the need to surgically remove your baby from your arms and then they do it…kiss them, not just anywhere…on the mouth! They name themselves “Aunty” without you even giving a whiff of that title in their direction, they invite themselves to family events and have some odd expectation of entitlement in your child’s life. I have encountered a few “Aunty’s” to Jack (I will explain why not Mikey) since he has been born and even the odd uninvited Uncle, I’ve had to bite my tongue to the point where I thought I wouldn’t ever taste again! But I am a survivor! I am happy to tell you that this is a serious case of….novelty, which of course wears off and is why Mikey wasn’t plastered with the same disgusting and unwanted affection, it’s hard, you will cry about it, but it will end!

4. The Facebook “Commenter”

Scenario: You saw the Commenter when you were out with your child, you get home exhausted and just put your child straight to bed, they are fast asleep, the bath can wait for tonight and changing them into pj’s would only disturb them, the following morning you post a funny bed head picture of your little one and The Facebook Commenter then jumps in with “Isn’t that the outfit he had on yesterday?”, in other words she is just telling everyone on your friends list that you are a lazy mother that doesn’t wash or change your baby’s outfit, the hidden message within this comment is so cleverly done that you can’t react because they will just play dumb, therefore making you look like a psycho, find comfort in the fact every mother who posts updates about their children on Facebook have at least one of these leeches that find pleasure in humiliating you on their friends list, they are in your family or friends groups so you can’t remove them from your page without causing drama, but their day will come, one day they will slip up and you can humiliate them right back, maybe a taste of their own medicine will change their ways, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.

5. The Judgemental Stranger

You’re in a supermarket and your little one throws a tantrum, we’ve all been there, there’s something they want that is so ridiculous you couldn’t buy it for them even if you wanted to just to shut them up (my mother recalls me throwing a tantrum aged 3 for an incinerator bin). Fellow mothers or even just descent people will walk by without gawping or will try and laugh with you about it as they’ve probably been there and felt their cheeks burn and blood boil at the site of their children throwing themselves down on the supermarket floor kicking and screaming. But there’s always just that one person (in my experience usually of my mum or nan’s generation) that will do the three P’s: Point, Parent and Patronise. All I can say to their complete and utter rudeness, is their parent’s should have taught them better manners than to point, if my child didn’t throw tantrums there would be no need for me to parent, and there is never any excuse to patronise. Unfortunately this annoying habit doesn’t die out with their generation it just gets passed down to their equally as rude children and grandchildren.

6. The Patronising Health Care Provider

It may be a doctor, carer, nurse, midwife, health visitor or a doctor’s receptionist, there’s always a way they can make you feel smaller than the child you are holding in your arms. The ridiculously rhetorical question “This is your first baby isn’t it?”` when they have already taken your details, so they know very well this is your first baby, but yet they feel the need to make you feel stupid for bringing your child into A&E with an unusual rash, of course we’d all feel stupid 100 million times rather than risk our babies health, but the fact they feel the need to put you down, which coincidently could put you off coming again and put your child’s health at risk. I’ve heard endless stories about parent’s pushing and pushing for further tests when they just knew something wasn’t right but they kept getting fobbed off. Unfortunately there will always be these types of people in health care (partially why I left that employment) but all you need to remember is trust your instinct, you’re the mother and you know best.

7.Mrs Overbearing

It could be your mother, grandmother, sister, aunty, best friend or one of the dreaded in-laws, but there’s always that one person who feels that they are 2nd mother to your baby, which especially with your first can really get to you. First of all your hormones are still crazy so you’re going to be an emotional wreck, secondly you are still in shock that your kicking wriggling foetus is now a real life baby so you are extremely overprotective, thirdly you need family time, even if the Dad isn’t in the picture you need special time with your little one without someone else intruding and destroying them moments and finally it’s your baby and your time, when they have or had their baby they probably wouldn’t have stood for something like this. It’s extremely hard but with an overbearing person you just need to be honest and tell them that you need your space, your never going get those moments back again and it will continue throughout your child’s life if you don’t lay down the ground rules. Rising above this person’s antics and realising you need to take control will relieve or even prevent potential stress you don’t need.

So they are the seven types of people to rise above, it might not be ideal and you may not be able to avoid them all together, but I hope this list has at least given you some helpful tips!

Good Luck!