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You’re not making a rod for your own back

Advice…

It’s a great thing, we all need advice at certain points in our life and it’s up to us if we take it or not, most people don’t give advice unless asked for it.

But there are a select few that just think their advice is needed, at all times, in all situations. They aren’t trying to give gentle suggestions, they are telling you”how it is”.

These are a special kind of people that will tell you that you are “making a rod for your own back”, they aren’t intentionally trying to offend or upset you, it’s just that one of the special characteristics these people possess is that their brain isn’t connected to their mouth, therefore what comes out of it has already done the damage before they have the ability to consider the feelings of others.

I mean don’t let your toddler sleep in your bed…ever!

If you do, you are making a rod for your own back!

You aren’t having a special moment, with this perfect little person you created, where the feeling of their arms being around you is the best feeling in the world….

No No No!

Don’t you know that doing this, is has a direct result of your child staying in your bed until the end of time.

Didn’t you consider that having your 3 year old in bed with you when they are poorly and just want mummy, is a detrimental moment that means your child will stay in your bed until they are 35!

Dummies, Christ almighty! Do not, I repeat Do not! Give your child a dummy! (If you’re american…pacifier) The special advice givers will tell you, ignore the research that’s been done that proves that dummies early on in a babies life actually greatly reduces the risk of SIDS…

No No No!

Putting that dummy in your baby’s mouth after birth, means you’ve scarred them for life and you will never be able to get it out of their mouth.

I mean, how will you feel as a parent when they are sitting their A-levels and everyone’s looking at them going all Maggie Simpson on the dummy in their mouth.

Save yourself the pain, we all know that any kid ever given a dummy, has never had it successfully removed from their mouth for good, once their in it’s like superglue!

Crying! OK this one is going to pretty obvious, because let’s face it, the special advice givers will tell you…Do not, I repeat do not, pick your child up if they cry.

I mean what sort of a parent are you!? Your child is crying! Why the hell would you try and comfort them?! Are you trying to make them emotionally unstable?! Do you want them to think that affection and cuddles are good things?!

They must must must cry it out, the best remedy I’ve heard is…crack open a large bottle of wine, crank up MTV and drown out those tears, I mean you might have made this human, it doesn’t mean you want to listen to them cry? I mean, you’re only their mother, there’s only so much you can put up with.

I’m not talking about those babies that just whine at night, I mean they woke up upset, they’re feeling poorly or just a bit sad, don’t give in to these signs of weakness, harden that baby up and leave them to cry it out.

So if you’ve read to the end of this post, I’m hoping you got my sarcasm 😜

Of course I don’t believe any of the above, but when I had my first baby, when someone told me something I believed it. It’s only as my confidence has grown with being a mother, that I’ve trusted my own instinct. That’s what I want to encourage other women to do, you are their mother, trust your instincts! There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking advice, I ask for it all the time, but if you want to do something or raise your child a certain way that is only going to benefit them, don’t worry that you’re “making a rod for your own back” or “spoiling them” just do what the hell you want and leave the haters to raise their kids in their own way

 

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Bubbles

If you follow my blog, you’ll know my son Mikey is about to start speech therapy. He’s just turned two and still doesn’t speak, he makes the odd sound but no words yet, not any that he will say more than once anyway.

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There is a question of Autism that keeps getting brought up every now and again, but I’m all for the gentle approach, so we’re starting with some therapies to see how he gets on.

He is very close in age to his older brother Jack and people say the older sibling sometimes “talk for” the younger one, so that’s a theory I’m willing to accept, but I’m open to the option there is the possibility of other reasons for his speech delay. It’s a case of time will tell.

So he has an appointment for his first speech therapy session in January, but until then we’ve been given a little homework to help him. One was rolling a ball to each other to increase his eye contact, which does help, but we’re still getting the hang of sitting him still to do that and the other was blowing bubbles.

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It’s surprising how easy the word bubbles is to say and how blowing bubbles to your child can improve their eye contact. We’ve only tried it for a few days and Mikey is already saying the word bubbles, not every time, but it’s definitely improving.

Plus it’s something that all the kids enjoy and it’s not a strenuous task, there is never an bad time to blow bubbles for kids.

I’m looking forward to his speech therapy starting and to see how he progresses, I’ll keep you updated.

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My Two Cesareans

My Two Cesarean’s

I’m not going to lie, I never wanted a Cesarean.

I wanted the natural (uncomplicated) vaginal birth, with the baby on my chest straight after and we’d have the special bonding moment then live happily ever after.

Well I have a Bicornuate Uterus so in my case, the above is NOT going to happen. Ladies reading who have a Bicornuate Uterus, don’t be freaked out, this is my situation, not everyone’s with a BU.

So my first son was born vaginally at 29+5 weeks (due to my BU), during the pregnancy a Sonographer assumed I would be having a Cesarean because of the shape of my Uterus which caught me off guard, but because that didn’t happen I just brushed it off.

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Yet my next two pregnancies took the option out of my hands, both pregnancies were fairly similar, even though Mikey was a boy and Nicole was a girl. Both babies were small and breach which meant a lot of scans and check ups. The general consensus through both of those pregnancies were that the babies were unlikely to move out of the breach position due to the shape of my uterus, which was quite heartbreaking for me, because if I’m honest it’s not what I ever wanted.

But I had to give my head a bit of a shake and put the situation into perspective…all that really mattered is that my baby was born safely, so if a Cesarean was the way that had to be done than that’s what I’d do.

I’m going to be brutally honest (and again this is just my experience) the first Cesarean I had with Mikey, wasn’t too bad at first. I was more scared of the Epidural, but after having a breach baby laying in the most uncomfortable position in my body, it was quite nice to not feel anything, until they started to actually cut into me. So I thought you didn’t feel anything…wrong! You feel everything, but you don’t feel any pain. It’s sort of feels like someone doing the washing up in your tummy, so it’s a lot of gritting your teeth and pulling a cringe face, but after experiencing childbirth, this is the more peaceful and least painful way to deliver the baby.

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The recovery time afterwards is what I underestimated, it didn’t help I slipped down the stairs as soon as I got home, but the pain in my scar was there for months afterwards. Sometimes it was real pain and sometimes it was being uncomfortable, like if my knickers were too low or trousers were too tight. It completely put me off ever having a Cesarean again, so I prayed that during my next pregnancy the baby wouldn’t become breach and I could go for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after Cesarean). As this was my first Cesarean, I had nothing to compare it to, but I was told my family that I showed my scar to and health professionals that my scar was really low and that was because of how low Mikey lay.

Then with Nicole, my inkling was right, she was breach and wasn’t budging. So a Cesarean was the plan again, I secretly hoped she would turn last minute, mainly because of the recovery time, I found it really hard with Mikey and then I only had a 10 month old Jack at home but this time I had two toddlers running around and the suggest you lift nothing heavier than your baby…slightly impossible.

So as I prepared myself for the worst, my Cesarean went well but I was surprised by the fact I now had two scars. Everyone I spoke to including the surgeon said he’d cut through the old scar so I’d have only one scar, so that’s what I was expecting, but apparently my old scar was too low, so now I had two. At first I was a bit gutted but actually as time went on I realised this recovery was completely different, I had some pain but nowhere near as bad as after I had Mikey, by the six week point I was completely pain-free.

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Now Nicole is 15 weeks old and my scar causes me no problems at all. It goes to show that every experience is different, even in the same person. I heard so many horror stories and so many positive stories, it turns out that you have no idea how it’s going to be for you until you do it, the same as child birth, except that’s even more unpredictable.

If you’re expecting a Cesarean, try not to be freaked out by all the hype about how awful it is, even if it is painful for a while after, there is lots of support and it won’t last forever. Everyone is different and some people swear by having a Cesarean, so you’ve just got to see what happens for you.

If I have another baby I’ve been told I’d have to have a Cesarean to be safe and actually now I am happy with that. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter how babies get here as long as they get here safely.