Before I had a baby, I was definitely very different to after I had a baby.
It wasn’t actually that quick…the transition, but it happened. I never wanted to be one of “them” mums, rocking the “mum bun”, leggings and wiping kids snot with my sleeve. But becoming “that mum” was inevitable.
Now I think I’ve had a successful day if I’ve brushed my hair before wrapping it up in a bun, leggings are me “dressing up” and my sleeve has wiped more things that just snot.
I joke about it, because on the surface it is all part of being a mum, sacrificing the daily shower for questioning whether you can use dry shampoo six days in a row. Swapping sleepless nights out on the town for sleepless nights where you could hand your baby to a passing stranger just for a solid hour.
Plus it’s acceptable, that’s what happens when you have a child and if you’re like me and fit three children into three years, you definitely won’t have time for painting your nails.
It’s easy to get caught up in life as a mum and not give your appearance a second look, I mean you have this amazing little person in your life to love more than anything in the world. But suddenly you look in the mirror and don’t recognise the tired, ungroomed person staring back at you. It’s obvious what’s happened, your priorities have changed and with that you’ve sacrificed a lot of yourself for your child and that doesn’t mean you’ve let yourself go, it makes you’re an amazing mother who has put her child before herself.
I remember a time, I went out for coffee and adult conversation didn’t seem like a luxury, I’d be dressed up everyday, because back then I didn’t see wearing make-up as a luxury. Now I find my self make-up free, sat in public places Breast feeding, making werewolf sounds with my 2 year old and pretending to get caught in Spiderman’s web by my three year old, it’s safe to say I have changed.
Grown up conversation now-a-days isn’t really that grown up, because all my grown up friends have babies, so our conversations are about babies…even when the babies aren’t there.
Don’t get me wrong, being a mum is the best feeling ever, I love it. I wouldn’t change a single stretch mark, tear or laugh because it’s the most amazing experience of my life. But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost my identity to the name Mum. Sometimes I want to say my name is Emma as well as Mum.
But then I remember I have a 3 year old, 2 year old and 4 month old. It’s still early days, they are still so little, they still completely need me.
But one day they won’t……
I’ll always be their mum, but one day they will grow up and won’t fully depend on me and I’ll wish more than anything that they did. I’ll want them to need looking after by mummy again and that feeling is more important to me than getting back the luxuries of life without dependant little people, I will get that back again…eventually.
But once my little ones are grown up I won’t get this time back again.
So if you feel all consumed by being a mum, like you’ve lost the person you used to be, just remember, you’ll never get this time back with your little one again, but as for the person you lost, you will get her back…eventually.