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PND | First Counselling Session | An Update

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how my doctor had diagnosed me with Postnatal Depression.

I was referred for counselling and said I’d update you guys on my progress…so here it is:

I was given a call back and a telephone assessment, basically going over why I felt depressed. He also agreed I had “Perinatal Depression”, which actually covers more than just Postnatal Depression which means after birth, which is more accurate for me since my Depression first started when we lost our first baby.

We discussed my options and he thought 8 sessions of counselling would be a great starting point, at this stage the waiting list for counselling was 17 weeks! But because I fall into the “perinatal” category, I got moved up the waiting list so I was only 6 weeks away, but I actually had an appointment within 3 weeks, which was great.

I felt positive and happy to have taken the first step to help myself, which helped my mood to be lifted.

My first session nearly didn’t happen, the room was in a huge complex, hidden right in the middle around the other side of the building, so at first I went to the wrong reception. In my head this was a sign I shouldn’t go, I almost stormed off to go home, but I knew if I missed this session I’d be knocked off the list, so i fought my own mind’s negativity and although I was 5 minutes late, I found the room.

The counsellor was a lovely welcoming lady, I basically word vomited my whole life to her with all my anxieties and fears thrown in too, but she was great and didn’t make me feel silly for blurting it all out. She didn’t even need to say much, she just supported me in the decisions I was unsure about and basically told me that the way I am raising my children and living my life is OK and that I need to let go of the negative comments people make and just let them go over my head, she also thinks I’ve had a lot of trauma over the past five years of my life with losing two babies, Jack being really premature, my Dad passing away and a lot of other personal stresses that have caused me a lot of anxiety.

She thinks CBT will help me, once I’ve finished counselling. So I’m optimistic about that.

So my first counselling session went really well, I’m excited about my next one.

For those struggling with Depression who are thinking about starting counselling, I would say even after one session I feel more positive, it’s amazing the feeling that just making a forward step with supporting your own mental health can do.

There are so many options to help and support you if you feel depressed, you just need to take that step forward and the support is there, it isn’t a one size fits all and everyone’s story is different, but one thing that is true for everyone is that you should NEVER keep your feelings to yourself if you are feeling Depressed.

I’m keeping you guys updated to show how getting support for PND does work!

Here are some support links:

Samaritans

MIND

PANDAS

If you are in Lancashire like me this is who I get my counselling through:

Minds Matter

I will continue to keep you guys updated on my progress and if anyone wants to get in touch, share their success story or just to talk please comment or get in touch.

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Three poorly babies

I know Jack & Mikey aren’t technically “babies” but they are MY babies, so I have three poorly babies today.

It’s been starting for a few days but today it’s hit our household like a bacteria filled bomb, all three have sticky eyes (Yuck!), poor Jack woke up and thought he was blind! 🙈

Mikey has no comprehension of why I have to clean his eyes, he’s the hardest one to help. Jack doesn’t like having his eyes cleaned (using boiling water and cotton wool) plus eye drops, but he knows he needs them and if he just plays along it’s over a lot quicker than if he fights me, Nicole hates having her eyes cleaned (she’s too young for drops) but is too little fight back, so just gives me a guilty feeling with her bottom lip.

But Mikey, he is the strongest out of all three and hates any sort of intervention, wiping his nose, washing his hair, changing his bum…he’s not a fan of anything like that, so trying to swipe his eyes with cotton wool in one direction so I’m not rubbing it back into his eye, then putting in eye drops is near-impossible, but I managed it, I may have had to gently restrain him with my legs, but it took me no longer than a minute, whereas I could have sat there for an hour trying to reason with him but got nowhere, if you are a fan of the TV show Friends….Imagine Rachel with the eye drop, but x10!

I had plans to take the kids out to the park today or maybe even to a play area, but I’m not so well myself and really all they want to do is stay in their pyjamas and watch TV, so I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to chill with them and not spread this cold/virus/eye infection whatever you want to call it, to the outside world.

Kids perk up pretty quickly so I’m hoping they’ll be OK for nursery and a play date tomorrow, there’s really no way to tell until the morning with kids, they are pretty unpredictable. I know they’ll be absolutely gutted to miss out but I suppose it’s my job to decide what is best and weigh up the pros and cons, they’ve been having their eye drops for two days now, so hopefully their eye will be better by tomorrow.

I’m doing a video on my Vlog about my poorly babies, check it out and please subscribe

Yummy Mummy’s Vlog

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Mummy Hour! Join me on Twitter for a chat

If you’re on Twitter why not join me for Mummy Hour!

8pm-9pm every Thursday I’ll be Retweeting your comments, questions and topics and discussing them.

It’s a great time for mum’s to grab an hour when (or if) the kids are in beds and get chatting to other mums, you can stay in your PJ’s, drink your tea (or wine) and natter away in the comfort of your own home!

What are you waiting for it’s nearly 8pm, join me over on Twitter.

Don’t forget to tag me @Yummymummysblog and use the hashtag #YMBMummyHour

Yummy Mummy Blog’s Twitter

mummyhour

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The Bad Mum Book

What does it take to be a bad mum? Apparently not a lot…

It takes lots to be a good mum, you have to be nurturing every aspect of your child’s perfectly balanced life and it seems just one of those factors slips below perfect we are tarred with the bad mummy brush.

Does it make me a bad mother that some days we don’t leave the house? We’ve done enough organised activities in the week to knacker them out that we just need a rest day. But if we are in all day, does it make me a bad mother that I will dress them in pyjamas? I mean, they are so much comfier! If we are just going to be lounging around and watching TV, why do they need their best chinos on? They don’t.

What about in the middle of the night? Have I failed as a mother because I put a nice cosy blanket over the wet patch on their bed, because it would mean waking them up and taking an extra 5 minutes before getting back into bed to give them a full sheet change…for the possibility of them wetting through again? If that is a crime, I’m afraid I’m a repeat-offender.

If we’re never meant to show we are upset or even angry in front of our child I’ve definitely failed. I mean Depression makes it pretty hard to hide from anyone especially your child that you are sad, will it damage them to see Mummy upset? Or am I just showing them that when you are upset it’s OK to show emotion and you can get through it.

They say that TV is the best babysitter, well I wouldn’t rely on it to change their bums and feed them but if I need 5 minutes to tidy upstairs the TV is a pretty good distraction, but of course it means I’m a lazy mother that sticks my kids in front of it zoned in all day, I might have the paw patrol theme tune stuck in my head 24/7 but it’s not because it’s on 24/7 it’s because these shows have special hypnotising powers…even for adults.

I yelled at my kid. Oooops does that make a bad mum? I also yell at my husband…does that make me a bad wife? Sometimes people yell at me, does that make me a victim? No, I don’t think it’s an ideal way to communicate, but let’s face it everyone loses their shit every now and again and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, it makes you human.

My house is mess, all the time, even as I clean it. You know how some people would love a self cleaning home, I have a self messing one. As I finish tidying one room the kids are messing up another. I have messing floors, sticky hand print walls, piles of laundry, wet, dirty and clean (none put away and definitely not folded) but I also have happy kids. I might be a bad mum for not having a spotless home, but I know I’m good one for putting time with them first.

If you are trying to make your child happy and you care about their welfare you are NOT a bad mum. The world will sometimes make you feel like one, sometimes the world will think you’re a great mother and you’ll feel like a terrible one, it’s a constant battle to decide what is right and what is wrong, wondering how actions will affect their future.

Everyone is just fluking it in their own way.

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It’s OK to be “that” mum

I’ve been that mum, the one that the other mums snigger about because she doesn’t like to leave her baby, or that people sneer at because she doesn’t like other people holding him, or that others judge because she worries about literally everything.

They say she needs to have a break from her baby so she will have time to miss him, or she can’t be selfish and has to share her baby or even that in their day there wasn’t any of these precautions and they turned out OK.

I genuinely don’t think people realise they effect their words have on us. As if we don’t question ourselves enough already now we have people telling us, we’re too clingy, selfish or even becoming doctor’s overnight and diagnosing us with Post Natal Depression.

I’ve been like this with my children, when I have had Post Natal Depression and also when I haven’t, let me tell you something…even if she does have PND, taking her away from her baby will definitely NOT make it better, if it isn’t what she wants it WILL make it worse.

All of my babies have been born towards the later end of the year, so when you get visitors there tends to be a lot of winter virus going around. I don’t think people realise when they paint you as the psychotic OCD mum, that the reason you don’t want an ill person holding your new baby is because it might just seem like a cough to them, but to a baby it can be life threatening, it could mean ending up on a Children’s ward around older children with Bronchitis and sickness bugs.

Maybe the reason they don’t want you to hold their baby is because they just don’t want to let go of them, I never wanted to let go of Jack. I loved cuddling him, I knew it would be short lived, that in a few months he’d be starting to move and eventually he wouldn’t sit still for my cuddles. Surely it was me who needed the most cuddles, as his mother? We had the strongest bond after all. I carried him inside me.

That’s another point, we carried them inside us for three quarters of a year, why would we suddenly want to be separated from them? They are happiest with us, listening to our heart beat, the smell of their mummy and the sound of her voice.

For those who say in their day there wasn’t any of this to worry about, I’m sorry but you’re ignorant. Move with the times, there’s so much more to worry about now, because we have access to so much more information. Safe sleeping, anchoring furniture, stair gates, blind cords the list goes on and on, I’m of the opinion, if I can take the precaution, then why not do it? In your day it might have not been the thing to do to have bonding time without visitors, but I’m sure in your day a lot of women felt unable to speak out about how they feel, well this is my day and I want alone time with my baby and lots of it.

If there is one thing that really grates my cheese, it’s a group of people passing a baby around. Each to their own and if you’re happy for people to play pass the parcel with a tiny human, fair enough. But for me, it’s torture, watching your baby be lifted from person to person, knowing they aren’t settling anyway because they aren’t with you, but then to be disturbed every ten minutes, after just getting warm in someone’s arms, getting passed to another place…again! Yet people look at your like you’re insane or selfish for not sharing your baby.

I think most people make judgement because they literally don’t get it, they aren’t bad people, they genuinely think they are within their rights to have a sense of entitlement to your baby, but they don’t, this is YOUR baby and YOUR life. They will never have the bond you have with your baby and that is the most important bond, so don’t worry about how it’s affecting them, if that makes me selfish, then I’ll take that.

I’ve had people snigger and make comments about how I won’t pass my baby or like other people holding them, to me I don’t see why that’s something to laugh about. If someone takes your baby out of your arms without asking, for me it’s torture, that baby is a piece of me.

The best you can do is stand up for yourself and explain it to people, I have a lot of people in my life who get it and now don’t make any assumptions or take any liberties. But I also still have a lot who will never get it because they just aren’t willing to listen, they just label you as that mum.

Well I’m definitely that kind of mum…and proud of it.

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A break from blogging

So  I’ve had a bit of a break from blogging the last few months. I’ve really missed it and feel there are so many things I have missed recording about my little monkey’s.

To re-cap I have two little boys Jack (2.5 yrs) and Michael (1.5 yrs) and write about all the trials and tribulations of being their mummy. Since I stopped blogging things have changed quite a lot, I am now expect a baby GIRL!

I will talk about my pregnancy more in upcoming posts but I’m still in shock it is a girl!

I just wanted to write a quick post about why I haven’t been blogging for a while, there has been no major reason other than life just getting in the way.

So now I have my 2yr old, 1 yr old, 20 weeks Pregnancy and my wedding in 8 weeks! Safe to say I have plenty to write about…..