The Heart Stopping Moment

The Heart Stopping Moment

It’s safe to say I’ve had my fair share of heart stopping moments whilst being a mother, actually, even before I was a mother.

No heartbeat

We lost two babies before we had Jack, being told there was no heartbeat is like a punch in the stomach then being left with an empty feeling, it just felt like a never ending nightmare and like our future had been taken away from us before we’d even had it.

Then with Jack being born prematurely, I was constantly on pins, praying that nothing else would go wrong, hoping each day that he’d be healthy enough to come home, but there was always the reassurance that the medical staff were there, that they wouldn’t let him come home until he was “right”.

So it’s safe to say pregnancy is a pretty terrifying for me, I have a whole host of health problems during my pregnancies, so I get kind of impatient waiting for my baby to “just be here”, but nothing can prepare you for the fact it could all be taken away in an instant.

Time stood still

This time last week, time stood still and it felt like my heart stopped, it’s actually taken me a week to write this blog post because I’ve only just got my head around it.

Having a late night with the hubby, watching Goodfellas (as you do), it was three minutes past twelve (don’t ask me how I remember that, time literally stood still) and Nicole was being fussy and not wanting to feed even though she seemed hungry, which is not like her, she loves to feed and would literally be on my boob all day.

Then suddenly she started making a grunting noise and was bolt upright, as if she was in agony, I tried winding her and then she began struggling to breathe. I passed her to Paul he couldn’t settle her either, she was getting more and more worked up and unable to breathe properly so we rang an Ambulance.

It’s strange, my kids will do things throughout the day like climbing and falling but not hurting themselves, eating and almost choking, becoming ill with a cold or virus and it’s always in the back of my mind to ring a professional for help either my doctors or the hospital, but in this situation I just knew we needed emergency care.

She started to turn blue

I took her back in my arms and she went from feeling like she was full of frustration and bolt upright, to floppy with her eyes rolling back and she started to turn blue.

That moment was the most terrifying of my life, I felt like every part of my body that holds me together just fell apart, helpless…that’s the word. Suddenly for that moment the world stopped and everything felt quiet and cold, I was on the phone to the emergency services and I could hear the woman saying “calm down or I can’t help you, please calm down” then I realised I was hysterical, I didn’t even know I was, I’d gone completely into myself, just for a moment but it felt like hours, then my phone battery died.

It was as if her body was giving up

That was it, I snapped back to reality with the terrifying concept she may not have arranged an ambulance. I’d told her my address, I’d told her my baby was four months old, actually I think I told her that about 20 times, we quickly rushed to the house phone, by this time Nicole had come back round but she was still slightly limp and grunting, it was as if her body was giving up.

My husband got onto the house phone and rang 999 again, I could hear him pleading with them to just send an ambulance, but he later told me they wouldn’t until he’d been through the appropriate questions, all I could hear him saying “my baby is four months old and she isn’t breathing, please send an ambulance” and then he kept saying “just send one”, “please she isn’t breathing just send one”, by this time an Ambulance was outside our home, thank goodness the first call handler from when my phone had died had sent one.

She was going to be OK

I ran into the ambulance, I had no shoes on and Nicole was only in a t-shirt, by this time she had come round a lot but was still grunting, so we took her to hospital. I nipped into the house just to grab some nappies and baby grow for her and the realisation hit me like a wave, she was going to be OK, I mean for all I knew it could have happened again, but I don’t know how to explain it, I just felt it, she was OK.

She was checked over and cooed over by every member of staff in A&E and they reassured me this is just a thing that happens with young babies, they just have these little episodes, some come round from it, some don’t, so we’re very lucky.

The fact that this “just happens” terrifies me, I love being a mother, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, but since the moment my first child was born I have this unbelievable fear of how I could ever cope with life if something happened to one of my babies, as the saying goes “it isn’t worth thinking about” but last week Nicole made me think about it and that was my heart stopping moment and I hope I never have one again in my life.



Shovelling snow in a blizzard: Life with having three kids in three years

We hadn’t planned it this way, it felt like it took forever to finally have our first baby in our arms. Now our home is overrun by tiny dictators.

As they say the days are long, but the years are short. This is true, the days are really really long and so are the nights. You know how people tell you at different stages how their kids started “sleeping through”…yeah! Mine did that too, they love their sleep…Then you have to take off the nights where there will be teething, nightmares, sickness, illness, over-tiredness, hyperness or the fact they just don’t want to sleep. But when you have to be at an appointment for 9am guarantee they will want to lie in until lunchtime. Basically if you want to live in a world full of irony, have kids.

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Bribery…this will be your key to survival when you have relentless toddlers. Some people will say you shouldn’t bribe your kids, to them people I say spend a day in my house, you will soon turn into a bribing negotiator. Unless you give a child a good reason to do something why are they going to do it? Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid? So if I want my child to sit still while I dress him so I can get out of the house on time, I have no qualms about offering them a treat when they get to town if they just get their coat on! Or threatening to throw all of their trains in the bin if they don’t apologise for hitting their brother. I might be going about it the wrong way, but I haven’t had to threaten or bribe as much as they’ve got older because they know if they are good they will get rewarded and if they are naughty they will be punished…isn’t that just like grown up life? But you MUST follow through, if you show any sign of weakness and use empty threats your kids will jump on that opportunity to over rule you like tiny little terrorists.

Leaving the house is a military operation, especially when you need to be somewhere for a certain time…why is it I’m always given the 9am appointments? So my mode of transport is a double buggy called Zoom by Obaby. It’s not your standard double buggy, but I prefer it. Then I have Nicole in my Ama Wrap, it looks a little something like this…

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Nicole also has her own buggy a Redkite Push Me Fusion, for when I’m with my husband so we can push a buggy each.


It’s when I’m by myself with the three kids I get heckled, some comments I don’t mind, like “Oh wow how do you cope?” because to me they are saying, you do cope…how do you do it? But it’s when people stop and gawk in horror as if I’m pushing around a cart of explosives and comment with “I bet they weren’t planned” or “I hope you’re going to stop now” and “You’ve got your hands full you know?!” the answers are actually they were all planned, I’m not ready to stop and I’ve got my hands and heart completely full of love, nappies and snot…I wouldn’t change a second of it.

Be ready to keep bobbing up for air in a sea full of nappies, that’s right, none are potty trained yet. I keep trying to introduce Jack to it and we’re getting there, but I’m a great believer of not forcing something like using the toilet, he’s got the rest of his life to be doing that. It can become unbearable when they all poop at the same time, but just be ready to take lots of trips to the outside bin or get a diaper genie, either way if you forget and put a stenching nappy in an indoor bin, you’ll soon realise…trust me.


People think I’m crazy for having three kids in three years, what I think is crazy, is waiting a few years then doing it all over again. Don’t get me wrong there are benefits I’m sure for having an age gap, more one on one time with each child, a bit longer between the crazy newborn stages but for me, I haven’t ever got out of the “baby stage” I still haven’t! Nicole is three months so she is still very much a baby! I will be waiting or stopping now I haven’t decided, but literally because I have nowhere to put a fourth baby, the boys are in the buggy, Nicole is on my chest…there is nowhere for another one to go!


The key of surviving being overrun by nappy wearing hooligans is keeping your cool, if you lose your shit they will lose theirs. The hard times will pass, the tantrums will finish and everything will always end in cuddles.

Life is hard when you have three kids in three years but I’m sure life would be hard having three kids in 10 years! They are kids, they are hard at all stages of life and to be honest…adults aren’t that easy either, are they? Everyone’s going to do it their own way and this is my way…I thrive on the mayhem.

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A break from blogging

So  I’ve had a bit of a break from blogging the last few months. I’ve really missed it and feel there are so many things I have missed recording about my little monkey’s.

To re-cap I have two little boys Jack (2.5 yrs) and Michael (1.5 yrs) and write about all the trials and tribulations of being their mummy. Since I stopped blogging things have changed quite a lot, I am now expect a baby GIRL!

I will talk about my pregnancy more in upcoming posts but I’m still in shock it is a girl!

I just wanted to write a quick post about why I haven’t been blogging for a while, there has been no major reason other than life just getting in the way.

So now I have my 2yr old, 1 yr old, 20 weeks Pregnancy and my wedding in 8 weeks! Safe to say I have plenty to write about…..


Child Safety Feature: The Faces Behind The Warnings

Social media has opened up a new platform to spread the word about child safety and the dangers around our homes. More often than not pictures or adverts will pop up and we’ll scroll past them, putting it to the back of our minds with the “it won’t happen to us” attitude, it’s not uncommon, if anything it’s a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from imagining something so terrible happening to our family.

Unfortunately these risks are very real and parents are taking to social media to share their heartbreaking stories of their children who have lost their lives by preventable “accidents”.

The purpose of this feature is not to scare-monger but to educate, I’m not going to present you with a government document telling you something is officially unsafe, but with real stories from real people who have suffered real tragedies and have found the strength to campaign and educate others so they don’t suffer the same pain. I have also included some information and videos to inform you of other possible risks to be aware of.

Please do not just ignore this feature, keep it bookmarked, come back and read each story at a time, however you prefer to take in this information is up to you, but reading and watching it will imprint it in your brain and if it can save just one child’s life, then we’ve done some good here.

Blog Post #1

Sophia’s Cause

Sophia 1

Sophia’s Cause is a campaign for window blind safety created in memory of Sophia Lily Parslow who lost her life to a blind cord. The main objective is to raise awareness of window blind dangers and to campaign for cordless alternatives. For the full Blog post click the link:


Blog Post #2

Good Egg Safety


Good Egg Safety have given advice on second hand car seats and the dangers involved with purchasing them, they also have even more car seat safety information on their website. Cick the link for the full Blog post:


Blog Post #3

Maison’s Memory

Maison 2

Maison was 7 months and 1 day old when he was found dead by his mother, he had suffocated on a Nappy Sack, his mother is now raising awareness of the risks of suffocation with Nappy Sacks, for the full Blog post click the link:


Blog Post #4

Ariel 3 in 1 Tabs

Ariel 2

Washer Tablets are colourful and attractive to children, often mistaken for sweets. Ariel have created a safety video, for the full Blog post click the link:


Blog Post #5

Rachel Sian Photography: Safety First

Rachel 3

Being trained to pose babies for a professional photo shoot is more complex than you may think, Rachel Sian Photography has created a safety post to inform parents of the risks, for the full Blog post click the link:


Blog Post #6

Meghan’s Hope

Meghan 2

Meghan was tragically killed by her dresser falling on her, Meghan’s hope was created by her mother Kim to raise awareness. For the full Blog post click the link


Blog Post #7

One Decision: Vehicular Heat Stroke

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Leaving children in hot cars is becoming increasingly common, One Decision have created a safety video which visualises the actual dangers of Vehicular Heat Stroke. For the full Blog post click the link:


Blog Post #8

Energizer – Coin Lithium Battery Safety


It isn’t widely documented that coin batteries occur in more than just watches, they are becoming increasingly popular in growing technology, which unfortunately puts children at greater risk of swallowing them and causing serious if not fatal damage to themselves, for the full Blog post and video, click the link:


Blog Post #9

CPR Kids


CPR Kids have created a First Aid guide called: A life. A finger. A pea up the nose. By clicking on this link you can download a free copy of the guide:


Please not this Blog Post is not a professional child safety post, I have used information taken from campaigns and safety causes to create this guidance.


It’s your turn…

It’s the middle of the night and the familiar sound of our youngest child screaming bloody murder wakes us, we each know the other one is awake as we both jumped at the sudden screech projected by our child’s lungs.

It’s only a few seconds but there’s a pistols at dawn scenario playing out, to who will get up to see to him. With Mikey I have the shorter straw if you will in this situation, as I’m breast feeding, he’s most likely hungry, but luckily to my advantage I have an amazing Fiancé, Paul, who wants to do his part so he gets up, checks his nappy, passes him to me for a feed (and sometimes even pulls my boob out for me) and then puts him back in his moses basket when he’s milk drunk.

With our eldest son, he was bottle fed, for the first 12 weeks I provided him with breast milk through bottles so this meant a rigorous breast pumping routine 8-10 times a day, Paul as wonderful as ever would feel guilty I went through so much to provide for our son, so I think maybe all in all I did about 10 nights with Jack and Paul did the rest.

We giggle about it now, as Jack sleeps for about 10 hours a night and Mikey does the same with just one wake to feed. Having two kids under 2 we’ve quickly realised it isn’t just the night feeds that leave us nudging each other saying “It’s your turn”.

Amongst the madness we make a good team, it sometimes feels like we’re working a checkout conveyor belt filled with nappies, bottles and snotty tissues, but that’s all part of the fun of parenthood!


Two kids in less than 12 months!? How will you cope? … Here’s how!

I remember laying in bed at 20 years old n 2011 and pondering my future, planning a career then to have children at around 30.

Fast forward to being 22 in 2013 and I’d suffered a Molar Pregnancy and a Miscarriage, I was now longing for a child! Me and Paul would lay in bed with a gap between us, telling each other one day we will have a bundle of joy to snuggle and coo over.

Fast forward to the present time of February 2015 and we’re nudging each other to do the next night feed, wiping snot with our sleeves and trying not to drown in a sea of dirty nappies. That’s right, we had two kids in 11 months!

Jack (currently 15 months) was born in November 2013 and Michael (referred to as Mikey, 5 months) was born in October 2014.

If you are planning on or are lucky enough to have children so close together, you need to prepare your comebacks for the following comments (cos believe me you’ll get home and think of the best one when it’s too late):

“I hope you know you’ve got your work cut out, young lady” (patronising grrrr)

“You need a TV in your bedroom” (sex innuendo, unwelcome)

“They’ll suffer, you won’t have enough time for both of them” (Wrong, wrong and wrong again)

“I hope your taking precautions, you’ll never cope if you have a third” (Wrong and none of your business)

“I bet you’re gutted, you obviously tried again so soon to get a girl!” (No, genitals don’t bother me, a healthy baby will do just fine)

and finally…this one’s a cracker! They lean into the buggy turn to Mikey my youngest and tell him….

“Well, you were an accident, weren’t you young man!” (There are no words strong enough to describe my anger)

Yes, it’s hard work! To all the people who told me it was going to be, it is! But I was prepared for that, I considered it a long time before you did. But it’s not the terrifying sinking ship you think it is, I haven’t had to deal with jealousy, adjustment issues for Jack or re-adjustment for my-self, I was already in ‘Night Feed Mode’. As they grow it will be great to be able to take them to the same age appropriate activities and even though I know they’ll be each other’s worst enemies at times (what siblings aren’t?) but they’ll also be the best of friends!

So to any parent in a similar situation, ignore the negativity, if you left an age gap the same people will be telling you “it’s about time you had another”.

You can do this, it’s not the end of the world…it’s actually the beginning of a beautiful one ❤