When I had my first, the feeling of love was overwhelming, I had no idea I could love someone so unconditionally.
Seeing other parents with 2,3,4,5+ children I thought to myself how will I ever love another child as much as this one, it just isn’t possible.
Well…I didn’t have long to ponder the idea, when my son was 11 weeks I got pregnant again with my second!
So obviously the thoughts of ‘will I love this one as much as my first born?’ entered my mind & ‘will my first get jealous?’ & ‘how will I split my time between the two’.
As soon as my second son Mikey was born I kissed him on the lips and it was instant love, I couldn’t believe he hadn’t been here all along, I could never imagine life without him.
Even though he was 5 weeks premature weighing just 4lb 12oz via C-section within two days I was home, the hardest part was spending the 2 nights away from my eldest son Jack.
When I came home the midwife told me I could lift my eldest son for 6 weeks because of my scar! It was heartbreaking! On one hand I was elated because Mikey took to breastfeeding, a battle I lost with Jack, but then I felt guilty for being with Mikey so much and not being able to hold Jack, he’s such an active little boy he’s used to jumping all over me and being chased around.
The first couple of days killed me, the guilt was overwhelming, but if there was one thing Mikey had shown me about Jack was that he was a big boy now, almost one he was 25lbs! I’d never let him sleep in our bed because I was worried about rolling on him and suffocating him, but seeing him sat there I realised he was big enough to sleep with us safely now…I had found my way.
Getting into our bed he drank his milk and turned to face me, with a pillow shielding my C-section scar we snuggled in close, he put his arms around my neck and looked deep into my eyes before dropping to sleep with a big milky grin on his face. The bond between us was in no way lost, he hadn’t even noticed anything had changed, it was more for my benefit, but this new thing we’d found was amazing and definitely took away my guilt.
8 weeks on Jack’s still in our bed most nights unless we feel like we need space in the bed (believe it or not he takes up a lot of room), people tell me I’m going to regret it soon when I can’t get him out of our bed, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it, this stage of his life I will never get back so I’d rather feel guilty for getting him into bad habits than for not giving him enough affection.
As far as jealousy is concerned some people (won’t mention any names) have tried shouting at Jack or telling him NO! if he comes near Mikey, mostly because Jack’s so big and toddling and Mikey is so small and fragile, but I put a stop to that straight away. I’ve had my way and stuck to it, letting Jack come over and have a look (he soon realised how boring he was or laughed at him when he had the hiccups) but if the odd time he did try to grab him, I just gently moved his hand and showed him how to stroke him and said ‘Awww Mikey Baby’.
It didn’t take long, he now comes over and strokes him but says ‘Ooooh I E’ (so not far off) and he licks him when we say kisses (no-one except Mikey gets kisses). Now it’s as if Mikey has always been here, Jack actually shouts at me when I change Mikey’s bum because he screams, he must think I’m hurting him because he growls at me sometimes!
Sometimes having the two of them does drive me crazy, the sleepless nights were not missed and I have my moments when I feel like I’m failing, but when I sit back and think about it how I’ve just written it, I realise…
my baby’s may have a few ‘bad habits’ such as Jack sleeping in our bed and Mikey being demand fed but to me they aren’t bad habits, they show my babies they’re loved…
my house may never EVER be spotless, but I don’t have time to clean, I’m too busy playing with my babies and having fun with them.
In the great scheme of things, I realise I don’t have to worry if I’m going to be able to do it because, really…I am doing it!