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Becoming a NICU mum

Becoming a NICU mum

This isn’t how it was supposed to pan-out.

We all anticipate how our babies will arrive and try to envisage that spectacular moment our little creation enters the world.

Then fate cruelly interjects and suddenly the dream bubble that’s been floating above your head for the past few months is torn in two and is replaced with the sound of beeping machines, the hustle and bustle of a busy ward and the reality of this tiny fragile human-being with wires and tubes protruding ever limb on their helpless little bodies.

It’s a massive shock to the system and you’re expected to just take it in your stride. As if becoming a mum for the first time or adding to your brood isn’t enough to take on board, now there’s the fear that this little part of you, won’t make it.

When they are born, that’s the helpless moment you lose the ability to protect your little one safely inside your body, the moment they leave your body, the responsibility then leaves you and is passed on to the nurses and doctors, which although we are grateful for, is heartbreaking, because all we want to do is cuddle our little bundles of joy and keep them safe in mummy’s arms.

With a “normal delivery” mum’s are so excited to finally meet their new addition, but during premature birth we have the fear of the unknown, knowing your baby may not breathe or be born with long-term health complications.

You would be judged for saying this isn’t what you wanted to happen, but I can’t quite understand why someone would pass judgement on the feelings of something they have no understanding of.

We don’t feel disappointment and sadness because this premature baby has become an inconvenience to our lives, quite the opposite.

It’s sadness for our baby and disappointment that this person we love more than anything else on the planet it having to struggle through the early days, weeks, months and sometimes even years of their life.

We call them fighters, because they are.

We call them miracles, because they are.

We wouldn’t change them because we love them in a specially particular way after being astounded by their strength….

But would we, if we had the choice wish they had never had to go through this?

Of course we would!

I look at Jack now, my waters went with him at 25+5 weeks and he was born at 29+5 weeks, spending 40 days in NICU and I’m still astounded by what he went through as a 3.5lb preemie. But the heartbreak of seeing my tiny baby squeal in pain with needle after needle, knowing his body couldn’t provide what he needed to keep him alive breaks my heart and I’d of taken it all for him if I could.

Nobody hopes to become a NICU mum, but once you are one, all you do is hope.

Hope that your little one makes it through the fight for their life.

I’m just one of the lucky ones my fighter made it through unscathed.

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Bye Bye Buggy

Bye Bye Buggy

I’ve had a lot of different buggies over the last few years, singles, doubles, big ones and small ones.

Obaby Zoom

They’ve all been great, I’ve never really found one that I didn’t like, but by far my favourite has been the Obaby Zoom. Having a longer design rather than a side by side layout, it is different to push, the weight distribution takes some getting used to, but it’s so much easier to get through doorways and the seats are really spacious and comfy. I bought it second hand from a lady on Facebok and it came with two toddler seats and a carrycot, the seats come off and turn around to be forward or rear facing, plus the basket underneath is huge! You can fit so much shopping in, it’s amazing.

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Heartbreak

I had it for almost a year, so you can imagine my heartbreak when Mikey’s toddler seat snapped! It was due to being put away at an awkward angle and then being jumped on by Mikey. So I contacted Obaby and they confirmed they don’t make this design of seat anymore, so I looked on Ebay, Gumtree and Preloved it came up with nothing, there were plenty of the prams for sale but no toddler seats alone.

Safety First Double Stroller

This buggy is just amazing and so handy, I’m devastated it just isn’t practical longterm for us now, I still have the carrycot and one toddler seat, so I can ferry Nicole and Mikey about, but for longer walks up to an hour to town, then walking around and back I can’t expect Jack to walk all that way and to be honest if I wanted to actually get somewhere on time it wasn’t practical. So I decided to look for something new, I scrolled through triple buggies but nothing appealed to me, so I’ve settled on this cute one that seems to fold up really easy, it’s the Safety First Double Stroller:

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Ama Wrap

So it won’t be any different to when I go out on my own with all three, I’ll have Nicole in my Ama Wrap and the boys both in the buggy. I’m excited to start with a new buggy and Jack’s extremely excited to see it, but I will be sad to see my Obaby go, I can still sell it on because it’s perfectly good for a toddler and newborn.

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Hopefully I’ll make fond memories with our new buggy, it comes tomorrow so I’ll post pictures when it’s here!