PND | First Counselling Session | An Update

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how my doctor had diagnosed me with Postnatal Depression.

I was referred for counselling and said I’d update you guys on my progress…so here it is:

I was given a call back and a telephone assessment, basically going over why I felt depressed. He also agreed I had “Perinatal Depression”, which actually covers more than just Postnatal Depression which means after birth, which is more accurate for me since my Depression first started when we lost our first baby.

We discussed my options and he thought 8 sessions of counselling would be a great starting point, at this stage the waiting list for counselling was 17 weeks! But because I fall into the “perinatal” category, I got moved up the waiting list so I was only 6 weeks away, but I actually had an appointment within 3 weeks, which was great.

I felt positive and happy to have taken the first step to help myself, which helped my mood to be lifted.

My first session nearly didn’t happen, the room was in a huge complex, hidden right in the middle around the other side of the building, so at first I went to the wrong reception. In my head this was a sign I shouldn’t go, I almost stormed off to go home, but I knew if I missed this session I’d be knocked off the list, so i fought my own mind’s negativity and although I was 5 minutes late, I found the room.

The counsellor was a lovely welcoming lady, I basically word vomited my whole life to her with all my anxieties and fears thrown in too, but she was great and didn’t make me feel silly for blurting it all out. She didn’t even need to say much, she just supported me in the decisions I was unsure about and basically told me that the way I am raising my children and living my life is OK and that I need to let go of the negative comments people make and just let them go over my head, she also thinks I’ve had a lot of trauma over the past five years of my life with losing two babies, Jack being really premature, my Dad passing away and a lot of other personal stresses that have caused me a lot of anxiety.

She thinks CBT will help me, once I’ve finished counselling. So I’m optimistic about that.

So my first counselling session went really well, I’m excited about my next one.

For those struggling with Depression who are thinking about starting counselling, I would say even after one session I feel more positive, it’s amazing the feeling that just making a forward step with supporting your own mental health can do.

There are so many options to help and support you if you feel depressed, you just need to take that step forward and the support is there, it isn’t a one size fits all and everyone’s story is different, but one thing that is true for everyone is that you should NEVER keep your feelings to yourself if you are feeling Depressed.

I’m keeping you guys updated to show how getting support for PND does work!

Here are some support links:

Samaritans

MIND

PANDAS

If you are in Lancashire like me this is who I get my counselling through:

Minds Matter

I will continue to keep you guys updated on my progress and if anyone wants to get in touch, share their success story or just to talk please comment or get in touch.

Mikey’s Progress: Portage, Speech Therapy & Nursery

When Mikey had his two year check back in October 2016, I mentioned to my health visitor I had some concerns about the fact he wasn’t speaking, making eye contact or responding to his name.

The first avenue we took was a hearing test.

A few people had mentioned he seemed deaf or that he may have hearing problems, we went for a hearing test and he passed with flying colours.

So the next route we took was removing his dummy and limiting his TV time, which improved his focus and he started to make a few sounds, but we decided together he needs some support.

So we had three options to explore: Speech Therapy, Portage and Nursery

This was October last year and I didn’t quite feel he was ready for nursery so, I went to a Speech Therapy drop in session and my health visitor applied for Portage, which went to a panel along with other applications and it was decided Mikey would qualify for it.

Fast forward to January 2017 he had his first appointment session of Speech Therapy and is now saying the words: Bubbles, Up, Pop, Daddy, Jack, Bot Bot and Yeah.

He now goes to nursery twice a week and runs off without saying bye, then cries when I pick him up because he wants to stay there (charming).

Plus on Tuesday he had his first Portage session.

I felt nervous and excited about his first session with the Portage worker, I didn’t really know what to expect.

I knew their aims were to improve his eye-contact, socialising and interaction, we’d discussed that in the initial meeting and I felt happy with these goals.

The session went really well, she brought along some toys that meant Mikey had to give her eye contact and she put her thumbs up and said “good looking” every time he looked at her.

I saw a great improvement even after just one session, so I’m excited that he has this weekly.

The fact is that Mikey is extremely clever, (like scary clever) he knows what he wants and he sees the world in his own way and he lives by it.

Time and time again I keep getting asked what “they” think is “wrong with him” by people, especially because the Autism word keeps getting thrown around.

NOTHING is “wrong” with him, there is so much right with him, he’s so intelligent and if anything overly independent for his age.

Plus it’s not for “them” to decide.

Who are “they” anyway?

Professionals who don’t know him?

I’m his mother and it doesn’t matter to me what label may or may not be given to my son, because to me a label doesn’t change who he is, I love him for exactly who he is right now, his quirks, his meltdowns, the special little moments we get together.

It isn’t for anyone else to change those things, but of course I take into consideration that he may need support and I would never hold him back from anything that can make his life easier to live, I mean celebrities pay thousands for therapies, it can’t do any harm whatsoever, so my thinking process is…why not?

I’m having these therapies put in place for him, partially because his health visitor suggested it and I completely trust her judgement, he is a very kind person, with a lot of experience and really cares for Mikey. Also my own instincts as mother tell me that although it works for him now being self-serving and not interacting with others, that it may be a struggle for him when he’s older, but there’s a good chance it won’t be.

I’d rather him have gentle therapies now to support him at a young age where he knows no different and prevent any future struggles that may happen, than waiting to see if he has to undo habits once he is in school, when it will be much harder for him because he will have more of a comprehension of the fact it is support he is getting, rather than knowing no different.

The support he is getting has improved his interaction, eye-contact, socialising and speech in such a short space of time, I’m so proud of him and how well he is doing.

If anyone else is going through a similar journey with their child please comment, I’d love to hear from you about your experience or just to know about your little one.

I will keep you updated on his progress.

Thanks for reading!

Three poorly babies

I know Jack & Mikey aren’t technically “babies” but they are MY babies, so I have three poorly babies today.

It’s been starting for a few days but today it’s hit our household like a bacteria filled bomb, all three have sticky eyes (Yuck!), poor Jack woke up and thought he was blind! 🙈

Mikey has no comprehension of why I have to clean his eyes, he’s the hardest one to help. Jack doesn’t like having his eyes cleaned (using boiling water and cotton wool) plus eye drops, but he knows he needs them and if he just plays along it’s over a lot quicker than if he fights me, Nicole hates having her eyes cleaned (she’s too young for drops) but is too little fight back, so just gives me a guilty feeling with her bottom lip.

But Mikey, he is the strongest out of all three and hates any sort of intervention, wiping his nose, washing his hair, changing his bum…he’s not a fan of anything like that, so trying to swipe his eyes with cotton wool in one direction so I’m not rubbing it back into his eye, then putting in eye drops is near-impossible, but I managed it, I may have had to gently restrain him with my legs, but it took me no longer than a minute, whereas I could have sat there for an hour trying to reason with him but got nowhere, if you are a fan of the TV show Friends….Imagine Rachel with the eye drop, but x10!

I had plans to take the kids out to the park today or maybe even to a play area, but I’m not so well myself and really all they want to do is stay in their pyjamas and watch TV, so I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to chill with them and not spread this cold/virus/eye infection whatever you want to call it, to the outside world.

Kids perk up pretty quickly so I’m hoping they’ll be OK for nursery and a play date tomorrow, there’s really no way to tell until the morning with kids, they are pretty unpredictable. I know they’ll be absolutely gutted to miss out but I suppose it’s my job to decide what is best and weigh up the pros and cons, they’ve been having their eye drops for two days now, so hopefully their eye will be better by tomorrow.

I’m doing a video on my Vlog about my poorly babies, check it out and please subscribe

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Mummy Hour! Join me on Twitter for a chat

If you’re on Twitter why not join me for Mummy Hour!

8pm-9pm every Thursday I’ll be Retweeting your comments, questions and topics and discussing them.

It’s a great time for mum’s to grab an hour when (or if) the kids are in beds and get chatting to other mums, you can stay in your PJ’s, drink your tea (or wine) and natter away in the comfort of your own home!

What are you waiting for it’s nearly 8pm, join me over on Twitter.

Don’t forget to tag me @Yummymummysblog and use the hashtag #YMBMummyHour

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Proud Mummy Moment

The Proud Mummy Moments

Premature baby

When you have a premature baby the idea of the distant future doesn’t seem as important as it did before, all that matters is the next day, the next hour, the next five minutes. While they are NICU the outside world doesn’t exist to you anymore, all that matters is this moment and getting your baby through it.

Memories

When those days become a memory and you look back on what your little miracle has been through, it makes you so grateful for all they can achieve now they are out of the woods.

Luckily for us, Jack came home with no complications, he surpassed all his milestones for his birth date never mind his due date and was discharged from the paediatrician. He turned three in November and is about to go from two to three sessions a week.

Nursery

I popped in to pick him up last Tuesday and his key worker brought out his monthly review that she was filling in and said he’s surpassing everything, but they always look for an area of improvement so they are going to focus on his maths, he can count but they are going to develop his skills further. Great! I thought to my self, quite advanced if you ask me but he seems to be enjoying himself and learning more and more so who am I to argue.

This was when I mentioned increasing his sessions by one more, asking her to see when they had another morning session available. I explained to her, he started April 2016 with one three hour session, then in September 2016 I increased it again and it’s now January and we’ve increased to a third session. I’d like him to be doing 15 hours before he starts school, so I have an idea in my head of increasing to four sessions in April (12 hours) and five sessions by September (15 hours) then he will be doing 15 hours for a year before he starts school in September 2018.

The wrong group

I explained this to his key worker and she looked at me confused, saying he starts school in September this year. Nooo, I told her he was born November 2013, yes he will be one of the older kids, but he doesn’t start until 2018. She had thought he was more advanced therefore older and it turns out he’s been in the pre-school group all this time! Not only that but he was doing amazing in every aspect!

Advanced

I’m proud of my kids for hitting any milestones and for all of their achievements, but for Jack it is just that bit more amazing, he was born almost three months early weighing only 3lbs, he couldn’t breathe on his own and was only allowed 0.5mls of milk every 6 hours, how does he go from that to being the top of a class that is supposed to be too advanced for him?!

Proud mummy

He really is our little miracle, he overcame all the odds and now he’s surpassing everyone’s expectations, he makes me such a proud mummy, to have such a clever, special boy.

You’ll get her back…

Before I had a baby, I was definitely very different to after I had a baby.

It wasn’t actually that quick…the transition, but it happened. I never wanted to be one of “them” mums, rocking the “mum bun”, leggings and wiping kids snot with my sleeve. But becoming “that mum” was inevitable.

Now I think I’ve had a successful day if I’ve brushed my hair before wrapping it up in a bun, leggings are me “dressing up” and my sleeve has wiped more things that just snot.

I joke about it, because on the surface it is all part of being a mum, sacrificing the daily shower for questioning whether you can use dry shampoo six days in a row. Swapping sleepless nights out on the town for sleepless nights where you could hand your baby to a passing stranger just for a solid hour.

Plus it’s acceptable, that’s what happens when you have a child and if you’re like me and fit three children into three years, you definitely won’t have time for painting your nails.

It’s easy to get caught up in life as a mum and not give your appearance a second look, I mean you have this amazing little person in your life to love more than anything in the world. But suddenly you look in the mirror and don’t recognise the tired, ungroomed person staring back at you. It’s obvious what’s happened, your priorities have changed and with that you’ve sacrificed a lot of yourself for your child and that doesn’t mean you’ve let yourself go, it makes you’re an amazing mother who has put her child before herself.

I remember a time, I went out for coffee and adult conversation didn’t seem like a luxury, I’d be dressed up everyday, because back then I didn’t see wearing make-up as a luxury. Now I find my self make-up free, sat in public places Breast feeding, making werewolf sounds with my 2 year old and pretending to get caught in Spiderman’s web by my three year old, it’s safe to say I have changed.

Grown up conversation now-a-days isn’t really that grown up, because all my grown up friends have babies, so our conversations are about babies…even when the babies aren’t there.

Don’t get me wrong, being a mum is the best feeling ever, I love it. I wouldn’t change a single stretch mark, tear or laugh because it’s the most amazing experience of my life. But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost my identity to the name Mum. Sometimes I want to say my name is Emma as well as Mum.

But then I remember I have a 3 year old, 2 year old and 4 month old. It’s still early days, they are still so little, they still completely need me.

But one day they won’t……

I’ll always be their mum, but one day they will grow up and won’t fully depend on me and I’ll wish more than anything that they did. I’ll want them to need looking after by mummy again and that feeling is more important to me than getting back the luxuries of life without dependant little people, I will get that back again…eventually.

But once my little ones are grown up I won’t get this time back again.

So if you feel all consumed by being a mum, like you’ve lost the person you used to be, just remember, you’ll never get this time back with your little one again, but as for the person you lost, you will get her back…eventually.

The Bad Mum Book

What does it take to be a bad mum? Apparently not a lot…

It takes lots to be a good mum, you have to be nurturing every aspect of your child’s perfectly balanced life and it seems just one of those factors slips below perfect we are tarred with the bad mummy brush.

Does it make me a bad mother that some days we don’t leave the house? We’ve done enough organised activities in the week to knacker them out that we just need a rest day. But if we are in all day, does it make me a bad mother that I will dress them in pyjamas? I mean, they are so much comfier! If we are just going to be lounging around and watching TV, why do they need their best chinos on? They don’t.

What about in the middle of the night? Have I failed as a mother because I put a nice cosy blanket over the wet patch on their bed, because it would mean waking them up and taking an extra 5 minutes before getting back into bed to give them a full sheet change…for the possibility of them wetting through again? If that is a crime, I’m afraid I’m a repeat-offender.

If we’re never meant to show we are upset or even angry in front of our child I’ve definitely failed. I mean Depression makes it pretty hard to hide from anyone especially your child that you are sad, will it damage them to see Mummy upset? Or am I just showing them that when you are upset it’s OK to show emotion and you can get through it.

They say that TV is the best babysitter, well I wouldn’t rely on it to change their bums and feed them but if I need 5 minutes to tidy upstairs the TV is a pretty good distraction, but of course it means I’m a lazy mother that sticks my kids in front of it zoned in all day, I might have the paw patrol theme tune stuck in my head 24/7 but it’s not because it’s on 24/7 it’s because these shows have special hypnotising powers…even for adults.

I yelled at my kid. Oooops does that make a bad mum? I also yell at my husband…does that make me a bad wife? Sometimes people yell at me, does that make me a victim? No, I don’t think it’s an ideal way to communicate, but let’s face it everyone loses their shit every now and again and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, it makes you human.

My house is mess, all the time, even as I clean it. You know how some people would love a self cleaning home, I have a self messing one. As I finish tidying one room the kids are messing up another. I have messing floors, sticky hand print walls, piles of laundry, wet, dirty and clean (none put away and definitely not folded) but I also have happy kids. I might be a bad mum for not having a spotless home, but I know I’m good one for putting time with them first.

If you are trying to make your child happy and you care about their welfare you are NOT a bad mum. The world will sometimes make you feel like one, sometimes the world will think you’re a great mother and you’ll feel like a terrible one, it’s a constant battle to decide what is right and what is wrong, wondering how actions will affect their future.

Everyone is just fluking it in their own way.

The London Sock Exchange Review + 10% Discount

Have you ever thought about how many socks you go through?

Have you ever realised actually how important great socks are?

I mean…think about it! They go on your feet!

You use your feet everyday, so why not treat them?

How about you can get luxury socks sent to you every quarter of the year? Plus you can recycle your old socks in the handy box they come with for no extra charge!

Well look no further….The London Sock Exchange have created this great service for the dapper gentleman, for only £15 per quarter!

 

I was lucky enough to be sent some great socks for my husband to try and we were pleasantly surprised!

Who knew a box of socks could be so exciting!

So they turn up in this cute brown box, wrapped in lovely black tissue paper.

Three pairs of socks in gorgeous designs are carefully folded with their own individual names, not only that but they have an outfit suggestion of the back of the card that each pair comes with.

My husband was extremely happy to come home to these luxury dapper socks after a long day at work on his feet and he loved them! I was a bit jealous so had to try a pair on too and they are so comfy, you can just tell the difference between these socks and regular socks. When you put them on you can really feel the quality, you can feel they are specially designed.

Then of course not to be left out, our eldest son Jack wanted to try them on and be a model!

Did you know that in the UK, we generate 1 million tonnes of clothing and textile every single year. That’s a whole lot of landfill. And the London Sock Exchange want to start setting this right, one sock at a time.

Not one sock that gets sent to be recycled gets wasted. 55% are reused and will make their way to developing countries, where they’ll be distributed to communities in need. The other 45% of the socks they receive are deconstructed before being given a second chance in life as an industrial textile….How great is that?!

They are passionate about recycling and here’s a video on what they do:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8ZoAbfNeM0

So The London Sock Exchange get’s a big thumbs up from Yummy Mummy’s Blog

What are you waiting for? Go and get signed up now and here’s some discount codes to get you started, both are for 10% off your first order:

For the quarterly subscription at checkout use the code: YUMMYSUB

For the annual subscription use the code: YUMMYYEAR

Here are links you need:

Website: www.thelondonsockexchange.net

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheLondonSockExchange/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LDNSockExchange

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelondonsockexchange/

Email:hello@thelondonsockexchange.net

It’s OK to be “that” mum

I’ve been that mum, the one that the other mums snigger about because she doesn’t like to leave her baby, or that people sneer at because she doesn’t like other people holding him, or that others judge because she worries about literally everything.

They say she needs to have a break from her baby so she will have time to miss him, or she can’t be selfish and has to share her baby or even that in their day there wasn’t any of these precautions and they turned out OK.

I genuinely don’t think people realise they effect their words have on us. As if we don’t question ourselves enough already now we have people telling us, we’re too clingy, selfish or even becoming doctor’s overnight and diagnosing us with Post Natal Depression.

I’ve been like this with my children, when I have had Post Natal Depression and also when I haven’t, let me tell you something…even if she does have PND, taking her away from her baby will definitely NOT make it better, if it isn’t what she wants it WILL make it worse.

All of my babies have been born towards the later end of the year, so when you get visitors there tends to be a lot of winter virus going around. I don’t think people realise when they paint you as the psychotic OCD mum, that the reason you don’t want an ill person holding your new baby is because it might just seem like a cough to them, but to a baby it can be life threatening, it could mean ending up on a Children’s ward around older children with Bronchitis and sickness bugs.

Maybe the reason they don’t want you to hold their baby is because they just don’t want to let go of them, I never wanted to let go of Jack. I loved cuddling him, I knew it would be short lived, that in a few months he’d be starting to move and eventually he wouldn’t sit still for my cuddles. Surely it was me who needed the most cuddles, as his mother? We had the strongest bond after all. I carried him inside me.

That’s another point, we carried them inside us for three quarters of a year, why would we suddenly want to be separated from them? They are happiest with us, listening to our heart beat, the smell of their mummy and the sound of her voice.

For those who say in their day there wasn’t any of this to worry about, I’m sorry but you’re ignorant. Move with the times, there’s so much more to worry about now, because we have access to so much more information. Safe sleeping, anchoring furniture, stair gates, blind cords the list goes on and on, I’m of the opinion, if I can take the precaution, then why not do it? In your day it might have not been the thing to do to have bonding time without visitors, but I’m sure in your day a lot of women felt unable to speak out about how they feel, well this is my day and I want alone time with my baby and lots of it.

If there is one thing that really grates my cheese, it’s a group of people passing a baby around. Each to their own and if you’re happy for people to play pass the parcel with a tiny human, fair enough. But for me, it’s torture, watching your baby be lifted from person to person, knowing they aren’t settling anyway because they aren’t with you, but then to be disturbed every ten minutes, after just getting warm in someone’s arms, getting passed to another place…again! Yet people look at your like you’re insane or selfish for not sharing your baby.

I think most people make judgement because they literally don’t get it, they aren’t bad people, they genuinely think they are within their rights to have a sense of entitlement to your baby, but they don’t, this is YOUR baby and YOUR life. They will never have the bond you have with your baby and that is the most important bond, so don’t worry about how it’s affecting them, if that makes me selfish, then I’ll take that.

I’ve had people snigger and make comments about how I won’t pass my baby or like other people holding them, to me I don’t see why that’s something to laugh about. If someone takes your baby out of your arms without asking, for me it’s torture, that baby is a piece of me.

The best you can do is stand up for yourself and explain it to people, I have a lot of people in my life who get it and now don’t make any assumptions or take any liberties. But I also still have a lot who will never get it because they just aren’t willing to listen, they just label you as that mum.

Well I’m definitely that kind of mum…and proud of it.